Yes, I am positive. Yes, judging from what I see, I have a higher tolerance than many other people. Yes, I am able to control my emotions a little better than many other people. But what happens when shit keeps coming even if I’ve taken many steps back and pushed to the wall?
Recently, my wife and I had someone trying to take something away from us. It is not something we cannot live without, neither it is something that anyone will be able to stand if taken away from them.
Because of this, we were very affected by it, especially my wife. As for me, I had a few hard nights but I am still able to manage my emotions well. I rushed to my anger first aid kit and applied the instruments immediately. I’m glad that they really helped.
What happened when things really happen in real life? All my sharing. All my so-called wisdom. All 31 years of learning from thousands of great people, do they really get thrown out of the window when things really happened? It is quite a common belief that theory never really works in real life. This is the time to put all the things I have preached into a real life situation. Like a newly qualified fireman who is on his way to fight his first fire.
But how will it fare? Will it be a sign that I should close my blog, since all my sharing is going to be useless when dealing with real life situations? Since young, I grew up having an opinion towards people who are full of advises but are all useless when coming to deal with real problems. The world have enough philosophers and preachers. No, no. (Politicians, I’m looking at you too.)
When shit happens, remaining calm is the first thing we must do. Whoever panics first loses the battle. Whoever can remain calm in times of crisis will have more time to think of solutions, meaning more time to think of the best solutions.
Then, place out all the solutions that you are able to come out with. The best and worst case scenarios. Think long term. Someone who steals your money may feel good initially but one day, he will be the one that suffers the most. The longer his guilt grows in him, the more pain he will accumulate. Sometimes, the offender will wish that he could pay back his crimes with money. Unfortunately, that may not necessarily be possible.
Complaining, fighting, grumbling, crying, etc. anyone can do that. A 3 year old can do that. A 16 year old who has just lost his girlfriend to another guy can do that. I see you smiling.
Successful people deal with problems in more mature and well-thought ways. Anger will come. We have to accept that. God gives us the ability to feel angry to protect ourselves. But how we use it is up to us. Try to let anger flow away. When anger seeps through the sieve, the solutions will be revealed. Learn to curb anger and it will dissipate itself away. It requires a lot of practice and studying during peace time to achieve an adequate level of self-control. And don’t ever take someone’s peaceful demeanor in times of trouble as a sign of relent. Only the strongest person can remain peaceful in such times. But in his mind, a million solutions, that’s better than crying and screaming, has been generated.
Sometimes, when we think hard enough, we will come out with good solutions within the problem. But sometimes, even when we think long and hard, we will not be able to come up with any good solutions at all. When such times come, we need to look at all the solutions in our mind, rank them. Which will give you the better outcome? Which is the best in all the solutions, even if all will lead to negative results? Which will give you the least negative outcome? That is the best solution. Always think of how to react to different kind of problems and threats. Because that will place you one step ahead. When people is panicking to hurt you, you already know how to counter their moves, leaving them even more desperate and depressed. And that will give you the better chance of winning.
Weigh the short and long term effect. If someone takes $10 away from me that’s rightfully mine, and I choose to fight him, what do I get? What is the risk? Is it worth it? If I go to report this theft to the police officers, I may have lost my $10 and some of my pride, but what have I gained? More? Maybe.
As the issue I am currently facing is not resolved yet, I am unable to inform you the outcome. However, I am glad that I remained strong and unaffected like a pillar. 3 years ago, I may have already committed murder.
This ordeal gives my wife and I a chance to work and brave through storms together. Maybe one day in the future, I will revisit this post again and re-evaluate how will I handle this issue differently.
This is not a rant. This is a real life example of how I choose to deal with problems. I welcome comments that can help me, and other fellow readers, to improve.
Lastly, I’d like to leave you with a heartfelt quote.
Holding On To Anger Is Like Drinking Poison And Expecting The Other Person To Die. – Buddha