Change Ourselves

If we can’t even change ourselves, what rights do we have to ask others to change?

If we can’t even change ourselves, how can we expect others to change?

If it’s so hard to change ourselves, what makes us think that it is easy for others to change?

If it is so hard to change others, why not just change ourselves?

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My 3 Phases of Recovery

First Phase – Mourning 

We all need a mourning period. To get over the hard times that just occurred. To calm the heart down. To allow some time to let the pain heal. The duration of this period depends on the severity of the incident. So depends on what you have faced or lost, determine your own duration.

During the mourning period. We can watch a sad show, listen to a sad song, flip through the memory box. During this period, we are allowed to let ourselves go.

Second Phase – Recovery 

At certain point of time, we must allow ourselves to move on. Here, we build ourselves up again. Learning to let go. The key is to be willing to try. Memories will come back to put us through those emotional state again and again. Even for months and years. But we should not give up. Fill our lives with positiveness. Songs, content, movies, people, activities, hobbies. Block out any negative things that try to affect our road to recovery.

Third Phase – Moved On

At the third phase, we should already have gotten over (or mostly) the lost or the pain. We should be willing to accept new opportunities. Try new experiences.

There are many people who do not know how to recover. From a heartbreak. From losing a important person. From failing an exam. From not living up to expectations of others. I’ve been through all of them. And many times, I felt like I was at the brink of depression. When I was down, I was like “don’t tell me what is recovery because you don’t know how much that person means to me.” or “how broke I am”. or “how I am going to let my mum down because I scored a C, just a C.”

I ask myself questions. If I never learn to accept failures or manage loss, for the rest of my life, I will be living in fear. Fear of failing and losing. Fear of going through those depressive states. And people who have been through them will know that they will do anything to get out of that state.

I am not a psychiatrist. But I just hope that if my little sharing can touch someone, I have succeeded. Even if I don’t, I will not give up.

No matter how down you are, don’t give up. Just hold on to this tiny, but powerful, belief. That everything will be fine. One day, you will look back, and smile, and think to yourself how small that failure was.

=)

When We Give

Everything we give, we will get back something in return.

We may not get back the dollar that we gave to the needy. But we will definitely get back more. Because when we give a dollar, it is not just a dollar that we have sacrificed. 

When we give a dollar, we give our time and effort as well. We share kindness and practised compassion. 

Most importantly, we give hope.

Therefore, we will definitely get back more than the dollar we gave away.

People Who Have Nothing To Lose Are The Most Free

Does this mean that we should not have anything at all?

No.

The question should be, do you have too much? Too much for you to handle? Too much that’s disturbing your peace? 

When we have too much, it’s called fats. And we always want is to be lean.

When we have too much we become scared. Afraid to lose. We become confuse. We become tired. Imagine going on a hike and carrying 10 litres of water and 5kg of snacks. Where probably you only need a fraction of that to have a enjoyable experience. When we have too much, we lose our focus. Our relationships are adversely affected. Having too much can even cause depression. Too much expectation. Too much stress. 

Money. Friends. Fame. Food. Cars. Houses. Attention. Thoughts. 

It’s great to have abundance, but get rid of the excess that’s secretly wearing you out.